Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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