Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
