I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
