What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
