My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
