Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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