She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
