I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
