I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
