Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
