She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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