i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
