Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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