I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
