I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The Olympian is in my bed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
