It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
