TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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