Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
