Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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