I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.