why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to calm my uterus...