i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT