I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.