R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
