Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
