yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
