I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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