It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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