I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize