That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
