Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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