hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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