things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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