WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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