Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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