Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
