can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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