i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
