You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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