even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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