watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
