wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
