my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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