my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
