i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
