I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
