Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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