Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
