I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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