Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
