i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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