umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
