'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
