Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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