So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
