watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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