I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
God, I missed his penis.
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