So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
