Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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