he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
