But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
