Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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