You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
