I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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