Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
