I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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