Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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