Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
