I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up under a house in Key West
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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