I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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