If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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