ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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