thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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