i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we're making bets on your personal life
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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