You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
