I think im going to throw up on grandma
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Randomize
